This last week has been hectic! I've been freezing corn, peppers and squash; digging potatoes, etc. It's been dangerously hot and that means much more care for our outdoor animals, not to mention watering the garden and flowers twice a day. Baby girls new teacher made a house visit one day, we've had two Birthday parties to attend, my Birthday was this week, Vacation Bible School prep has been going on, shew....I could go on and on. It's been that kind of week. Quite literally, I've been working from sunup to sundown with little down time...so I haven't been able to blog until now. The funny thing is, now that I have a moment, I am at a loss for words. All week, I had "blogable" thoughts running through my mind and they have disappeared along with my sanity. Lol.
Without being too specific, we have also faced a couple of potential health crises this week. Emotionally, I have been struggling. My healthy, sole bread-winning husband came to me last week with a major concern that rocked my world. There was nothing for me to do but begin making specialist appts and PRAY. I've always felt that prayer is one of my spiritual gifts, but when the issue at hand is so life changing, I didn't know how to pray. Praying for God's will takes on a whole new meaning when it's YOUR husband, YOUR everything, the love of your life. What if GOD's will didn't include a miraculous healing, what if his will didn't coincide with my own. Oh my....to make things worse, my husband ask that no one know what was going on. Our pastor was told and that was it. I had no one to go to but GOD. It was going to have to be enough....I knew it was enough, but I'd never had to rely completely on my faith before.
As I began to study and pray, I got a whole new meaning out of a couple of verses I was already familiar with. The first verse if Philippians 4:6. Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOD. I also found a great deal of comfort in James 1:2-3, 6. My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into trials. Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let him ask in faith, without doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.
Do you ever feel like you are being tossed about in the sea of life. I certainly do! More specifically, there have been times in the last week that I have felt hopeless. Through much prayer, GOD began to speak into my heart some simple truths. Fully surrendering our lives to him is the only way we will ever live a joyous life. Until we truly surrender ourselves and our families to him, we will constantly struggle with strife, fear and insecurity due to the things of this world. We can only control our health, wealth and happiness to a certain extent. We may eat organically, watch our weight and still lose a battle to melanoma, we may live frugally and contribute to 401k and find ourselves unemployed and losing everything. We can allow ourselves to worry ourselves into a tizzy or we can lay all our problems at his feet and BELIEVE that he will guide us as he sees fit. In the last week, I have realized that if we give our problems to GOD, he will give us an answer we can live with.
Wednesday, I accompanied my husband to a specialist and was at peace. Sitting in the waiting room, I thought to myself that this must be the peace that passes all understanding. Had to be, I mean normally, I would have been literally sick with worry. Sleep would be out of the question, I wouldn't be eating, would be throwing up...my nerves would be shot. As he left me for his exam, I smiled and said "Everything will be fine". He smiled and said "Yes, I know god has healed me, I can feel it." If I"m being honest, I normally would cringe inwardly when hearing those words. To me, it's always been a phrase that's proclaimed after a good outcome. Who's to say God has anything to do with it!? I'm ashamed to say that the old me, the me from a week prior has probably shamed GOD many, many times. James 1:17 tells me that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of Heavenly lights, who does not change life shifting shadows. Wow. Shifting shadows. To me, I think of Satan lurking in the darkness making things appear good while he seeks to destroy. Our GOD does not lurk in the shadows, he is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. When my husband walked backed out in the waiting room, I knew GOD had made everything right. His specialist is watching a situation, but honestly believes we have a benign situation. My hubby wasn't even sent for any testing. As we linked arms and walked out to our car, I was thinking about how we really are conquerors in Christ. When I was thinking tumor, he was saying cyst, when I was thinking financial devastation, he was allowing only a minor inconvenience, and when I was thinking surgery and treatments, he allowed a brief exam. I am in awe of such an awesome savior and truly believe we were allowed to go through this because of me. My hard head couldn't be penetrated unless he came through my husband.
If you are like I was and constantly struggling with fear and worry, I ask you to study these verses and humble yourselves toward GOD. Ask him to help you trust him completely and he will. It is refreshing, humbling, exciting and scary at times, but worth every minute. The only advice I can give is to hold on, because if you are like me, he may have to take drastic measures.